The other day in the Emergency Department, there was a horrible trauma. Of course, there was. That’s what we do there. It was a weekend. People had places to go. They were in a hurry. Things went wrong. And it got complicated at the hospital as well.
One of the things that became very clear was that everyone was looking for someone to blame. When things are terrible, we want an accounting. We want someone to blame, to hold someone responsible. In the hospital, that’s often God. Many people hold an image of the Divine as One who micromanages each little event. That God, (usually) He, is as intimately involved our stubbed toes as He is in the building of the Galaxies. People who are believers in that God are horrified that they could be the target of his casual violence. In such situations, people find themselves in a horrible bind with their, on the one side anger at the Divine for what has “been allowed” to happen, and a longing for that same Deity’s comfort.
This is almost untenable for most people. Wherever you are in your understanding of a Divine, holding that All Powerful Deity responsible for tragedy is very uncomfortable. So, we look for other options.
Drugs and alcohol continue to play a role in too many accidents. When a particularly horrid accident occurs there is almost a sigh of relieve that pervades the hospital. A reason! Something to blame. Someone to blame. And substances may well have played a role in this accident.
In the long-run, though, an accident is — however horrible — an accident. According to Merriam Webster, the meaning of accident is an unforeseen and unplanned event or circumstance. Substance abuse may have contributed, but it’s not necessarily the full story. Sadly, far too many of us have taken risks in our lives. Simply because we get away with it, doesn’t change the potential danger — or make the driver in this case more reprehensible than we are.
I’m grappling with this because I know how good it was to think there might be a reason for this accident and we would have someone to blame. What we are left with was the realization of this accident’s horror. What I was left with was the realization that I had fallen headfirst into the pool of wanting to find someone to blame along with everyone else.
Trained professional or not, I wanted someone who could be held accountable. And the reality was, I was there to minister to a family and to a hospital staff who were stunned and disheartened. There are certain kinds of accidents that seem too much to bear, that seem too far outside Peacemaking for us to forgive. Ah, but then, our work isn’t to forgive them, is it? A chaplain’s work isn’t to judge; it is to have compassion. It is to help them make Peace of something that has disrupted their lives. It is to support them in their early moments of horror to accept the outcome and understand that at some point they may be able to make Peace with that outcome.
What happens when we shift from blaming to something else? And how do accept that accidents happen, sometimes because we’re foolish, although sometimes they’re just completely random — and the outcome is just that. A terrible, horrible thing. And we’re not left judging, we’re freed up to comfort and support. And when it is time, to ask practical, helpful questions. This is the role of a chaplain: “…we are here to make sense out of that which is nonsense…”. That blaming is serves as a buffer to accepting the reality of what has truly happened. We think the blaming softens the blow, but it can easily alienate the support we will want to depend on. Whether we decide this accident was the result of mind-altering chemicals or the absence of a Divine we imagine choosing who will live and who will die, who will recover and who will carry the legacy of this accident forever, we’re trying to insulate ourselves from the new horrific truth in our lives, in our hearts. Accidents don’t have take-backs. We will always have to deal with the repercussions. If we decide God is responsible, how do we heal our hearts and help our beloveds heal their bodies? We are here to make Peace. Peace is best made by accepting reality and allowing ourselves to be completely present to the new reality, however harsh and unpleasant. Then we can finally allow our communities to support and nurture us in the midst of the horror.
Those of us outside the inner loop are not here to protect ourselves by pointing fingers, we are here to sorrow and support those who have lost something fragile and precious.
Salaam, Shalom, Peace, and Blessed Be!