The other day, I had a lovely conversation with my brother. My brother is ‘keeping company’ with a truly wonderful woman. Don’t you love that old phrase? What a nice thing to do with another person, to keep company. It holds a reminder that we are not alone. It seems to demand a certain tending to the relationship. It has expectations and agreements. We should allow ourselves to keep company not simply with those in whom we have romantic interests, but perhaps also with those who are our friends. Let’s keep our expectations of loving relationships — and what the heck — of interactions with strangers, high. Let there be cordiality among us while keeping company.
At Church one morning, a woman spoke of returning to her hometown for a bit. She realized that if there were anything anyone could say about her, it was that she was a child of her parents. My brother Tom has since done a lot of reflecting on that topic, and then we reflected, on how much we too were children of Betty and Sam — each a different mixture of the two, and Deb, my now deceased sister, was as well. In last week’s article, I wrote about how differently my thought process works from Dad’s, Deb’s, and Tom’s. In those ways, I’m much more my Mother’s Child. It’s sad that Betty’s not here when I’m writing some of my poems, because she would have loved illustrating them. But I can’t complain too much because she taught me to feel into things, and my poetry is in its own way, homage to her.
As with other families, the ways we solved problems were not the only inheritances we received. I was very lucky growing up. There were certainly challenges as there are in any household where different personalities have to adjust to the family dynamic. And we all adjusted and responded differently. There were, however, family expectations that we, each, despite our different temperaments and personalities, learned which made life so much easier. It was expected of us that we be open and interested in those we encountered. And we are, and in Deb’s case, were. It wasn’t a matter of introvert/extrovert; it was a matter of understanding that everyone is interesting. And it was our job to discern that. I don’t know that I ever got a lecture on the subject, that was just the conduct that was expected of us — and it made life rich. In one way or another, everyone has an interesting life. None of us ever came to the dinner table without a story to tell about something we learned during the day or someone we interacted with.
What an incredible gift we were given. This gift seemed to be one that was valued in our family’s community. The people I still know from my early years are people who also can, by and large, hold conversations with friend and stranger alike. It has served us all well in our work and personal lives. I hadn’t really thought much about this, until Tom brought it up.
Keeping company is a skill I employ at the hospital. I’ve always thought that it was because I’m an extrovert. And that’s probably right enough. However, my brother is equally good at it, and he’s not anywhere near as extroverted as I am. Deb, like me, could transcend the boundaries of extroversion to full on Golden Retriever status. But the training isn’t something I’d quite thought through until that conversation with Tom.
Reflecting on that now, I think, oh, that’s why I envision Peacemaking as an activity of invitation. Come along and keep company with me. What do we have in common? Where do we find Beauty? How do we honor those things through our words and actions? This is why I can write a poem every day. Because every day, something is Wondrous. And when I focus on the Wondrous, I can share that with you and we can build a bond that may give us space to disagree — yet continue focusing on the Peacemaking.
Peacemaking is about keeping company and adhering to some of the social rules about being interested in our neighbors. Peacemaking is about keeping company in such a way that we are totally present with and for those we care about. Peacemaking may sound like something large and grandiose that happens on diplomatic levels and not here among those with whom we keep company. But this is where Peacemaking starts. When it works here, we develop a hunger to have that spread outside our groups, to believe that we have the right to ask our diplomats to be focusing on Peacemaking among the countries our nations keep company with. Because Peace is for everyone, everywhere. We’ve got something, anything, to talk about — and from that we can build some Peace, no matter how small, no matter how large.
Want to keep company with me? Let’s find something warm to drink in this cold weather, shall we, and see how far we can stretch the Peace between us.
Salaam, Shalom, Peace, and Blessed Be!